Betrayal

When I was in high school I participated like a fiend in the school's theatre program. By the time I was a sophomore - there were very few days during the school year I didn't have a rehearsal or performance of some kind.

One of the members of my ward came to see me in a play and when it was over, she came up to speak with me. I'll never forget what she said:

"I think it's so remarkable...you are so graceful and composed on stage. You would never guess that from how you are in real life!"

I did not take offense to her comment - nor should you reader - because I loved how I felt on stage. She was right! When I was on stage I wasn't dumpy or clumsy or silly or ugly - I was whatever I wanted most my character to be...and that was usually fabulous! Fabulously funny, fabulously wealthy, fabulously beautiful or wonderful or graceful or popular...whatever else but always fabulous.

Toward the end of my senior year I got to be a queen in a play. And not just any queen: Guinevere from "Camelot". That meant I was Vivian Redgrave and Jacquelyn Kennedy and Princess Diana all rolled into one. The young man playing King Arthur told me that one of his favorite memories from that play was watching how - as rehearsals went along - I became that queen, even in the hallways and during classes. That was an awesome compliment b/c I wanted desperately to be Ms. Redgrave and Jackie-O and Princess Di in real life anyway, so I was glad my time on the stage was flowing into my personal life.

After high school I participated in many years of performing. Choirs, touring oratorios, and musicals musicals musicals! I learned that even if I can't dance to save my life - my characters always could and they were good at it! I continued that dichotomy of grace on stage vs. the real clumsy me. It was okay though because I was spending the majority of my time on stage.

Now. Oh now. I'm running into a major dilemma. I have been off stage consistently for quite some time now. Over a year. Almost two. And I finding that I am becoming increasingly accident prone! My stage-created grace is slipping away from me at an alarming rate, and it is reeking havoc on my body! For those of you extremely close to me - you know I'm a bit of a drama-queen. Well, that's probably too modest. I'm a huge drama queen! But I am telling you about this "condition" with out my drama filter. I've have looked at this "situation" through the rational eyes of someone who's never been on stage and I must say...something's wrong with me!

Here is a list of my stupid sicknesses or injuries in the last 7 or so months:

Pink eye (x2)
Bacterial ear infection
Bladder infection
5 spider bites (all gotten at different times) that left me with: fevers, swelling, inability to walk, and one that gave me slurred speech for an afternoon...fun
Cold (x2)
I've cut my hands twice on the pull top lids of canned fruit, this most recent one that slows down my typing considerably
Allergies
Some bouts with heartburn (which I've never had before!)
In one week, my nose bled every morning for 5 straight days
I had a rash on my legs, torso and arms for about 7 days. It turned out to be an allergy to our concentrated laundry detergent.
And last but not least - my lower back! It has been aching for about 4 days now. Come to find out...I wasn't stretching my muscles after tennis like I should be. Luckily my husband gave me some good tips for keeping my back healthy!

A couple of weeks ago, when something new had cropped up, I lost my cool! I flopped down on my bed and cried. I felt like my body was betraying me! Some things were my fault (cutting my hands, not properly using our laundry detergent) but some things were just retarded!!!! There are only two variables that have really changed in my life since all this started: I've stopped actively pursuing theatre and I've gotten married.

Now, haha, it's funny to joke about marriage making me ill, but the truth is that my husband is ever patient and kind with all my ailments. I try not to be over dramatic about them, and he tries to help me get better. He's so good to ask how I'm feeling and let me cuss and swear when I hit my swollen spider bite on the bed frame or hold my hands so I won't itch the skin off my legs. So that leaves the theatre.

I remember those comments from my active theatre days and how I felt...and I must say: I grieve for my apparent loss of grace. It's just too stinkin' bad that I must be an accident prone klutz for the rest of my God-given days. I am very happy with my theatre-less life. I like being married to Joey and having our little house and life together...I suppose he'll have to hazard through ever simple household obstacle with me for - well, for forever. Some day we'll have children and need to baby proof the house. But with how I'm going, I think I'd better start today before I seriously do some bodily harm!